We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
