Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!â€while he was cumming
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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