I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
