dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the day after is always just damage control
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
