He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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