so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
