I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
