he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
