He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
