it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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