Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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