I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Shame - the story of my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
