I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
