New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
