my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
