This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
