why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
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She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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