there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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