I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
