he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
