if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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