around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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