brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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