i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
