I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
