Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
