If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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