do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
