I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
