just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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