im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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