i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
