It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I believe in your delicious
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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