...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
