K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
BRING THE BAGELS
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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