I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
