I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
