weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
