I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH