He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize