Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
