I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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