Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
