Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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