the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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