I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
