last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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