Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
