it wasn't lemon gatorade
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
