D3 body, D1 cock
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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