my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
