I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
