Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
