Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
