I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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