Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
