this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
