Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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