I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
